Sunday, February 12, 2012

In state of confusion.

Ya Allah,

They say You wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle.
They say You know the best for me and I should have faith in Your judgements.

I believe in it all with all my heart, I really do. I know You'll only give me a pair of shoes that fits.

But right now I don't know which way I am heading in life. Everything I have decided on, the road I am currently on. I don't know if it's right. I don't know if my choice is really the choice You have made for me, or have I made the wrong choice?

I am too afraid to keep on living, yet too ashamed to die.

This road, the path I have chosen, where will it lead? Will I fail or will I succeed? They say my efforts determine my success, but in this matter, I don't think an effort is enough, as this is something I have no control over, nor can I do anything to make it work. But if I am so hopeless, then why did You put me on this path, my dear God Allah?

I wish I could be just like everyone else. I wish to be normal. I am not normal. The way I think, my rationale, the beating of my heart, they're just not normal and so out of control. Not extraordinary yet so unusual.

Sigh.