Monday, November 19, 2012

Tido, Has.

Friends and good friends are two totally different people. Friends are those whom you can have conversations with, the ones that only want you to be who they expect you to be.

Good friends are those whom you can talk to, the ones that want you to be yourself. Everyone is different, everyone thinks differently, some people might like your way, some people might not. But you can count on your good friends to accept your true self no matter how excruciatingly annoying and provocative it is. Sure, at times both of you can go at each other's throat, but at the end of the day you can forgive each other easily because, well, you're good friends.

This kind of friendship, I can certainly say that I will never find another other than the ones I already have. That is why I'm trying my hardest to keep them close because if not, I can lose, but I can never gain.

Just a random thought at 2.45am before I go to sleep. I'm always so sentimental before bedtime hahaha probably gonna regret writing this post. Meh.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Stop imagining it, Has.

Truth be told, when the war between Palestine and Israel begun years ago, it didn't really affect me emotionally or spiritually. I did pray for my fellow Muslims, but just half-heartedly.

And then I came across a novel by Khaled Hosseini entitled A Thousand Splendid Sun. Now, when the Zionists commenced their war against Palestine once again, and I read all these stories about what happened there, the people who were killed in the attacks, I can imagine what's happening vividly. It's just like what happened in the novel. The bombing, the terror. How the victims felt. And the image, it's really horrible. I just can't :'(

They say that my imagination is powerful, I can live a story. But this is one story I really don't want it to  come alive.

I don't remember the character's name, but I remember there was this part when this girl's father wanted the whole family to move out from the country. It was a peaceful sunny day, they were packing and moving their stuff, the girl walked out of the house, and suddenly she felt something flew by just inches from her left ear, then she heard a very loud noise, and she was thrown from the ground. She blacked out for a moment, when she came to conscious, she couldn't hear anything, and then she saw something fell and rolled beside her. It was her father's head. :'( Oh dear God...

I pray that our prayers reach to Allah the Almighty. Please ease their sufferings. Amin.

Sunday, November 11, 2012


Howdy folks!

Read through my previous posts and realized I sounded so foolish in most posts kahkahkahkah! Ah never mind.

Yesterday I went to the Nottingham Games, also known as the Notts Game. It's an annual sport event organized by the Malaysia Societies all over Europe, or UK, I don't know specifically. Basically the Malaysian students / athletes gather in Nottingham every year to compete in sports. I really wish I'm in the athlete category. I watched the badminton matches, they're not even half as good as those from KPMBP (excluding me, of course). Maybe I should give it a try next year.

I went as a supporter who wasn't supportive at all, and the trip was pretty boring -_- You can say that yesterday was an unlucky day for me haha. I'll tell you why.

During departure, my friends and I were queuing to get on the NCL uni bus, but just when it's our turn to hop on board, the bus was already full, we had to take the Northumbria Uni bus =.= the bus was full of people I've never met, so it was a quiet journey swt.

At the event, they had this Malaysian Food Festival, and I was looking forward to it. I planned to eat as much as I can. I was among the firsts to arrive at the festival, but we brought food for breakfast, so we thought maybe we should just wait til lunch, then only we'd go frenzy. Biggest mistake of the day. By noon, the place was full of people, and we didn't get to buy anything nice. All the delicious food were sold out -_-

Also I didn't get to watch any of NCL matches. As soon as I arrived, either they've JUST finished their match or they've already lost haizzz.

To make it worse, remember I said I had to take Northumbria Uni bus? Well, my friend decided she wanted to switch bus so we did. I was reluctant to do so since it would make it difficult for Charlie (MalSoc pres) to sort us out but I didn't feel like arguing. Guess what, of all the three buses, our bus broke down in the middle of the highway T^T we had to stand in the cold for an hour or so while they tried to fix the bus. The most painful experience since I arrived here, lucky I didn't catch a cold, alhamdulillah. =.= Honestly I was pretty pissed because this wouldn't have happened if we hadn't switched bus. But my friend felt pretty bad, and it's not worth getting angry over anyway. This will be one of those memories that can bring good laughs hahaha.

Anyway, it's not entirely bad. We went around the university, the park has many wild squirrels! And I actually got to bond (sort of) with one of em heheheh. It was scared of me at first, but I gave it a piece of bread and it hang out for awhile. Aaahh so cute~ fed the ducks as well, when I ran out of bread, the ducks and the squirrels followed me around. My friends called me "mak itik" hahahaha ah so cute.

That sums up my trip. And oh, I found Haris' doppelganger, but not bald. They could be twins, or maybe I've already forgotten how Haris looks like in person hahaha. Can't really blame my memory, it's been too long.

I really miss my mom. Should I fly her here? I really don't mind starving myself just so I could see her T^T


Friday, November 2, 2012

No other...

...There will never be another time like that time.

Last night I had one of those sleepless nights. Many thoughts ran through my mind. One of them was that the purpose of my life. What my future holds, how much time I have left, what would I make of it.

Then I wonder why did Allah send me on this path, to this unfamiliar part of the world. I know I want it, but Allah always has His reasons. He opened up my path and made it easy, but what's the purpose?

And then I realized that the heart is important for the soul. Some people might look bad judging from their appearances but possess a good, kind heart. Some people might look innocent from the outside but rotten on the inside. What I'm saying is that I shouldn't judge people for their one bad deed, or hate people just because they sin differently from me. Who am I to judge anyone anyway? I should be more forgiving.

Honestly, I don't think I'm generally a person with a good heart. So I hope that in the future, while I'm reading this post, it would remind me that sincerity is the most important thing. Everything I do, do it not for the gain nor the loss, not myself nor my loved ones, but do it for Allah. Remember that, Has. Everything comes from Him, remember!

Hahaha being away from home really has its effects on me spiritually. Meh.


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Bad luck Brian strikes.

Sometimes you just can't trust everyone including the closed ones. Sometimes you should just shut up because it has nothing to do with you and it won't do anyone any good anyway.

For future reference since you've forgotten what happened the last time, Has.

Sunday, October 28, 2012


It's almost time to say goodbye... 2 years of being apart, will it be too painful? Will there be peace?

One thing I know is that I will dearly miss that person. 그 사람....

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Mende tah Has kau kenapa?

Howdy folks!

It's been almost 3 weeks since I first arrived in Newcastle. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I know I've always wanted to study far away from home but I didn't consider the cons of it. And right now, I'm slowly forgetting the reasons why I wanted this in the first place. My loved ones are constantly reminding me how proud they are, that they will always pray for me. To those lovely people, I am forever thankful.

Everything is better than expected alhamdulillah. My housemates are cool, my house is beautiful, the locals are lovely, halal beef and chicken are easy to get, my seniors are very helpful. Things couldn't have been better.

But somehow I wish I could go back to Malaysia right now. Arghh damn Has kau jangan ngada2! Don't let homesickness get to you mothafucka!

Okay dah tu je.


Wednesday, September 26, 2012

SarangHAEyo, jagiya~ ^^

Howdy folks.

Today is my dearly beloved homie Dida's birthday. Saengil chukahae, jagiya!

Out of all my homies, though she's the 'chibi'-est one (haha mian xD) she is definitely the strongest one. Honestly, if I have to go through what she's gone through, I would crumble in a matter of seconds, true story bro. But she perseveres, though she cries and complains, she never gives up, and I admire her for that. So for her 21st birthday, I pray to God that He would bless her with only happiness and contentment, that He would guide her through the hardships of life. Amin ya rabbal a'lamin.

Dida you're a cool homie, you are the only one who would listen to my fangirl stories and screams hahaha. I've got a feeling that our friendship will be everlasting for sure. One day I will definitely bring you along to Super Show, mesti! Hahaha. And you're always there for me whenever I'm down. Even with the time difference, you always listen and remind me of what's important in life. You support my changes and you never judge no matter how absurd my changes are. I love you homes~ muah muah! nanti melawat kita tauu!

Allow me to sing this to you : "When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming~ just keep swimming~" ahaha just like fishy~ ^^ 


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Happy birthday, Pja!

Howdy folks!

Today 6th September 2012 is Pja's 21st birthday. Happy birthday, homes! I just got back from a (sort of) vacation with her, Yan, Nisah and Aten. It's been awhile since our last vacation, it was great! Never felt younger.

Anyways Pja, kau tau aku suka Korean stuff so I'm gonna wish you in Hangul - saengil chukahamnida, chinguya! You're one of those few people I will really miss while I'm away. We can skype, we can whatsapp, but it's not the same dude. I hangout with you the most since you don't mind hanging out with my different circle of friends. That's what makes you cool, true story bro. Nanti lepas degree kita amik ACCA sama2 mari. All the while during our little vacation, I was wishing it would never end. Honestly I felt like we're running out of time to have that much fun. We're already 21. In a few years, we will inevitably change, or at least our lives will. We will go on similar but different paths, we will get married, probably sooner than we think, and there will be no more time when we can hang out like we did. I can no longer make silly jokes and pun, aww man. All this I will miss dearly.

Papepun aku doakan segala impian kau tercapai, bahagia dan kekal dengan bakal suami kau nanti, murah rezeki and most of all panjang umur melebihi aku. InsyaAllah, amin!

Saranghaeyo, chingu~ skali skala nak mushy mushy muah muah muah~~


Sunday, August 26, 2012

I'm just very passionate, problem?

Howdy folks.

This time I really have no excuse for not updating my blog. I have a lot of free time on my hands but I didn't have the heart to write a post. :insert'f*ckmeright'memehere:

It's been awhile since I quitted my job, currently I'm spending most of my time at home. Not that I'm complaining. It's less than a month left before I depart for UK. That's right folks, I'm flying off to UK this September 20th! Although, my current situation is a bit complicated. Quite a long story to explain to those who ask, so I'm just gonna write it here. If you're interested to know, proceed.

As some of you already know, I was selected for the "Skim Pelajar Cemerlang Kolej Professional MARA (SPCKPM) program, my interview was a success and MARA decided to send me to UK. Some of my friends are being sent to Australia, but I remember during the interview, the interviewer exact words were, " We're not gonna send you to Australia because nanti you graduate you will receive a general degree (I don't even know what that is), study penat2 tapi susah nak guna sijil, rugi kan?". I'm wondering why are they still sending their candidates to Australia anyway?

MARA tried to send me to Queen's Uni, but it'll take 3 years to finish my Degree. MARA thought it's a waste of time, so they tried Cardiff, Birmingham City and Aston. For some reasons, they didn't try to send me to Newcastle. Though they didn't say it directly, one of the emails sent by the officer stated that "Newcastle will only accept 6.5 and above for IELTS", which I guess they thought is pretty tough to achieve. True enough, none of the candidates that were first sent to Newcastle achieved the target, forcing MARA to relocate them to other universities that set lower IELTS qualification. In my opinion, it's not that those students suck at English, but they weren't prepared for the test. Imagine you suddenly have to sit for a test you don't even know what kind of. I was lucky that my homie Yan lent me her IELTS book so I got a glimpse of how the test is conducted. I know it's a language test, but just like my homie Haris said, "test mesti ada format nak jawab, kalau takde cemana nak marking?", which was somewhat true.

Anyway, MARA was actually gonna send me to Birmingham City. Alhamdulillah I got 7.5 for my IELTS (Merciful Allah, thank You T_T) and I guess it surprised MARA. When I emailed them my result, they quickly called me the next morning and said, "tahniah on your IELTS, it exceeds our expectation. We're not gonna send you to BCU anymore, we're sending you to Newcastle." I asked them have I received an offer letter from Newcastle, and they said no but they're working on it, and that I shouldn't worry =.=

So yeah currently I don't know the status of my university offer letter, but the MARA offer letter and agreement stated that I will be sent to Newcastle Uni, with full confidence, in bold and capital letters. They asked us to settle our visa, but how the heck am I supposed to do that without an offer letter from the uni?! T.T

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that MARA is helping me to realise my dream, but I just wish they had done it more systematically and time-mannerly. I have to find a place to stay, make friends with seniors there etc but I'm not sure where will they be sending me. T.T sighh but there's nothing I can do, I'm just gonna have faith in them.

Regardless, I will still depart for UK this 20 September, be it to Newcastle or Birmingham City. I'd prefer Newcastle but BCU is fine. It's scary and exciting at the same time. I've always wanted this, it's the main reason I rejected UiTM and stayed in KPM. I've missed the chance to study abroad after SPM because I was an idiot (no regrets, though). I hope this time it all goes well. InsyaAllah, amin.


Saturday, June 16, 2012

Capacity: Maximum

"Megajin ada?"
"Itu ladybug."
"Yakult ada free-gip." (in fact it's actually VITAGEN not YAKULT =.=)
"Mau redeem voucher."
"Wrapping kena ambil nombor ke?"
"Has rehat sorang."
"Check point."
"Tukar kad."

These words play on my mind every night before I go to sleep, and frequently in my dreams T_T I'm tired of the same routine of annoyance, anger and frustration. It's probably time to quit and find a new job. A job that doesn't turn me into a bitter person.

Yeah yeah yeah hunting for a new job! Pjasugusribenaskittlesnyumnyum jom cari kerja baru!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Just the birds and payphone.

Howdy folks!

Finally got my internet back, jyeahh!! My modem got struck by lightning a couple of weeks ago, which forced me to subscribe to mobile internet because I don't want to lose contact with my homies (half succeed). The first thing I did after my internet was fixed was tried to answer Tenot's questionnaire, but it was unexpectedly mentally challenging hahaha. Nanti aku akan attempt lg, sblom ko abes cuti aku setelkan k Tenot. ^^

A few weeks ago I went to Japan for Super Show 4 in Tokyo, and took the opportunity to go for a vacation as well. It was my first time travelling far from home. Honestly, the trip put me in a lot of pressure and stress, but it was worth it. The trip was amazing, and I can't even describe my SS4 experience without tearing. The memories were too beautiful, but I guess it's not worth mentioning here because people just don't care about my obsession and it's annoying, eh?

I am forever indebted to Ayap and Mat for taking me sightseeing around Tokyo. Didn't think he'd actually show up hahaha but he did. Thanks Ayap, aku akan ingat sampai akhirat. ^^ 

Anyway, to those of you who use Whatsapp and have my phone number, feel free to holla. I might not answer you right away because I'm working from morning til midnight almost everyday, but yeah just holla. I'll reply when I'm free :)


Monday, April 23, 2012

An angel

When I feel like giving up on my job, I think of him who loves to work.
When I feel tired at work, I think of him who is somewhere working hard.
When the customers piss me off and I am about to lose it, I think of him who always smile despite what the many haters spit in his face.
When I don't feel like smiling, I think of his laugh.
When I feel like complaining how hard I have to work, I think of the reward it will bring this May. Or rather, what reward I will bring him.
When I don't feel like working at all, I think of him who genuinely loves what he does.
It's true.
He is the one I always think about when I go to work.
His hard work. His humbleness. His honesty. His sincerity.
It gives me the strength to continue working.
And most of all...
His gratitude makes it all worth the sacrifice.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Eepa eepa!

Howdy folks.

Right now, there are probably more than a thousand people I can call friends, but you'll know they are special when you don't need Facebook to remind you it's their birthday. It's 26th of March 2012, one of my homies, Izyan Ayuni Zurkinain's 21st birthday!

I don't think I need to say it, it's pretty obvious, but she is one of the very few important people in my life. She determines my moods, my emotions, my days and mostly my life. In my world, her kind is at extinction; you can count with your fingers. I had a quarrel with her a few days ago, it was the first time since I can remember, and I gotta admit, I've been very distressed by it. It's my fault though, I lost my cool and snapped at her. I shouldn't have, she already has so many things on her hand to juggle, with exams and homesickness to deal with, I shouldn't have burdened her with all those things I said. I'm a fucking douche. -_-

Sorry Yan aku terlambat 1 hour 33 minutes wish kau, terlalu khusyuk tengok Merlin -_-'' Aku dah wish kat Whatsapp, Twitter dan Facebook, ini birthday message kau through Blogspot plak. Malam nnt skype plak. Ok nak mula.

Happy birthday homie! Antara the trio kau yg paling tua, walaupun beza kita bertiga stiap sorang 3 bulan. Eh baru aku prasan birthday kita bulan 369 xD nampaknye 3 is our lucky number. Sbenarnye aku patut wish mak kau, tp macam awkward kalo aku message mak kau in person, so tolong smpikan kat mak ko: "makcik, tahniah berjaya beranakkn Yan 21 taun yg lepas, which indirectly mempengaruhi sebahagian besar hidup saya, so terima kasih. ps: burung sihat, tapi Aten masih out of control."

Normally aku akan wish people "semoga panjang umur, murah rezeki" blabla typical birthday wish, tapi untuk kau I mean it. You must live longer than me Yan so nanti aku tak perlu go through the grief. Dan of course mesti murah rezeki, supaya kau dapat rezeki jadi the doctor yg akan selamatkan nyawa aku dan pronounce my death. No worries, aku akan idup up to 100 years old insyaAllah kalau aku kurangkan sugar intake. Also, selamat menyambut hari jadi pertama kat Ireland. Kau may be homesick, tapi kami kat sini homie-sick. Same-o feeling, so cheer up. Balik nanti kita celebrate birthday kita bertiga terus serentak time birthday Pja.

See ya in a few months. Rasa macam awkward sebab tak biasa express it in words kat kau, but I love you homie, no matter what happens. To the moon and back bahahahha gay. I miss you T___T


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Life memoir. A day to remember. HAS, A DAY TO REMEMBER WEYH!

Howdy folks.

I wanna keep this as a memoir of my homie and I first bickering since we became real close homies. Not gonna go into details, I just want to remember the date. 20/03/2012.

But I'm not worried. I think our sisterhood can handle a few tantrums.

To whom this may concern, if you're ready this, I'm sorry I got angry, but I'm not sorry for the things I said because they are my honest opinion. Still, I'm sorry if I offended yeh -_-

It's awkward to get all lovey dovey with yeh so let's just skip the part.


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I'm just tired...

Howdy folks.

I have yet to post my experience about SS4, and I have it in my draft, and the draft itself is more than 2000 words, and I'm not even half finished, hmm probably 1/5? Hahaha. I'm taking my sweet time writing it as I don't want to forget anything, at all.

Let's just take a break for a minute.

Lately, I've been feeling kinda weary. I think I'm paranoid but hahaha should I really mention it here? I shouldn't. But this coincidence is just killing me, and what might literally kill me is that the other person doesn't even know what s/he just caused here. Paranoia is a serious disease. But it's just....why?

To the one I have come to care lately, I notice how stress has caused you to age faster than normal people do. You used to be so beautiful, so...youthful but now I can see the tiredness in your eyes. My friend has been telling me how beautiful you are, but when I look at you, I only see the unhappy, exhausted, weary person, not the weird but awesome guy with happy go lucky attitude I once knew. I wish I could take you away on a holiday just to give you some rest. I pray to God that He would send you someone who would take care of you. Please get some rest. And don't let what people say bother you because you're just awesome. People talk, that's what they do. Sighh. Hope telepathy works. Kyahh KYAHHH!! *thinking hard to send the signal*

And no I'm not talking about Heechul -_-

Okay off to bed. Cheerio!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

In state of confusion.

Ya Allah,

They say You wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle.
They say You know the best for me and I should have faith in Your judgements.

I believe in it all with all my heart, I really do. I know You'll only give me a pair of shoes that fits.

But right now I don't know which way I am heading in life. Everything I have decided on, the road I am currently on. I don't know if it's right. I don't know if my choice is really the choice You have made for me, or have I made the wrong choice?

I am too afraid to keep on living, yet too ashamed to die.

This road, the path I have chosen, where will it lead? Will I fail or will I succeed? They say my efforts determine my success, but in this matter, I don't think an effort is enough, as this is something I have no control over, nor can I do anything to make it work. But if I am so hopeless, then why did You put me on this path, my dear God Allah?

I wish I could be just like everyone else. I wish to be normal. I am not normal. The way I think, my rationale, the beating of my heart, they're just not normal and so out of control. Not extraordinary yet so unusual.


Friday, February 3, 2012

Hahaha meroyan.

Howdy folks.

Self esteem sangat low sekarang. Tadi tengok gambar2 lama. Jumpa gambar ni.

Walaupun gemuk baju hampir koyak macam sarung nangka tapi jelas nampak aku sangat bahagia.
Huduhnya lah hai muka tapi takpe tengok rasa bahagia. Sighh.

The past two days I have been very upset about what the people in my office secretly think of me. Talam dua muka, you know? Depan baik belakang Allahualam.

But here I have to remind myself of the advice I once gave to a homie:

"Why do you have to dwell over something someone you hardly care about said? You can't please everyone. At some point in life, you will meet someone who will do nasty things to you because that kind of people do exist, the kind that aren't afraid of God's punishments. What really matter is the people whom are dearly to you. The rest are just merely the supporting characters of your story. Just another passerby who would make your story interesting. What's a tale without a pig to slaughter?"

As for me, I can't really say I'm not bothered at all, because the makcik was actually someone I once respected, someone I looked up to. But turned out she's the thorn in the flesh (direct translation of duri dalam daging. You know?)

I'm gonna allow myself to feel vulnerable for awhile until I've finally gained my normal level of confidence: awesomeness. It's been awhile since I care about what people think of me. If she was some random person on the street, I'd brush it off, but since she's someone I know for sometime, I guess that's the reason why it bothers me so much.

I forgive easily, I really do. But only to those who say sorry. I don't simply forgive. The people who hurt me intentionally but never apologize can rot in Hell as far as I'm concerned.

My homies are away for too long. I guess the main cause of my depression is not because of the lies but because it's been awhile since I hangout and let loose.

But then I guess too much.

Okay off to bed. Cheerio.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The first bad week of 2012.

Howdy folks.

I've learned so many valuable lessons today:

An innocent look can be deceiving. The pretty innocent face might bear the most evil thoughts.

Don't jump to conclusion and blame it all on the one that seems obvious. There's always the slightest chance that the person is in fact innocent.

No matter how nice you are to people, people will still do shitty things to you. No matter how hard you try to avoid people's attention on you and just do your own thing, there will always be that one bitch that will...well, bitch about you.

I go to work. I do my job. I go home. What the fuck did I ever do to you, you two-faced bitch? You must be stupid enough to not know that I can see you through the reflection. I don't have to say anything. Your accusations are just too stupid that I don't even have to defend myself.

Anyway, there's nothing that cannot be solved. There's always a way out.