Thursday, October 21, 2010
Life has been pretty depressing for me these few weeks. I don't know what went wrong, or what I did to piss karma. I lost alot of things and gained pretty much nothing. I lost a nail, I lost my position in PSN, I was denied of my FA and Costing tests. I've lost 10% each, so that means I have to struggle for my final. I lost Kasukma, I lost the gold medal to someone else. I lost faith in my friends. I lost my respect for someone. I lost interest in my studies.
I don't know what gives me the strength to keep a smile on my face. Because right now I don't feel like smiling at all. I hate it here. I never liked it here. I never did. But every morning I tell myself to suck it up like a man, even if I'm a gay man stuck in a woman's body. Life goes on. Maybe someday it'll get better. Maybe it won't, I don't know.
I wanna go home. The less time I spend here, the less pain I feel. I wanna go home and hangout with my homies. Honestly when they're around, nothing can ever bring me down. They're my strength and joy. Every semester break has always been the joyest days of my life.
I am currently listening to Wavin' Flag by K'naan. It reminds me of WC. It reminds me of the time we hung out. The late night drive around JB, the joys and heartbreaks of WC. I remember thinking how I wish the moment never end. I felt so alive! Hahaha. God, I'm sad =.=
No point to reminisce. Now fight for As in final. I want 4.0 this semester.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Don't mind me, I'm just trying to ease myself.
You'll do fine, Has. You don't need those people to be happy. You have your homies who are all over the world pursuing their happiness, you have your family who are working hard to survive. You tend to get lonely at times like this, but you know you're not alone. You'll never walk alone. You'll find someone later on in life who's worth the while. Your family loves you, your homies love you. Just because they're not here to comfort you doesn't mean they don't care about you. These aren't the stuff you tell yourself hahaha. But get this: They love you just as much as you love them. Sure, they might hurt you sometimes, but that doesn't mean they're being mean. That doesn't make them evil. That makes them human, because noone's perfect, so STOP looking for perfection. They're just like you, we all make mistakes. So look in the mirror and smile. Wave to the person standing in front you. Because she is one holy of a lucky person. She has family and homies and friends. There are others who are less fortunate. You can't always get things to go your way. So what you should do is just suck it up and make the best of it. No matter how big of a crap it is. Okay? You look like a lunatic now, talking to yourself. So you should stop here.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Write 5 interesting facts about the person who gave u this award.
1 - they're crazy sisters who are always on each other's cases, but they love each other. Awww bahahahaha.
2 - People said Yan kinda looks like me in some of the pictures, but with small eyes and she's prettier. Aten is taller than most of us and I'm jealous -.-''
3 - Aten has weird eyelashes. Yan has weird obsession with Volkswagen Beetle.
4 - Just like Aten said, we are both Germany supporters. Yan hates football and I don't know why. Why Yan? Why?
5 - One of the things I love about the sisters is that they laugh at my jokes eventhough it's not that funny. Or maybe they're laughing at me for being so silly, but who cares, they laugh!
Write down 10 interesting facts about yourself and your hobby.
1 - I'm a huge fan of football. I talk, eat, sleep, dream, shower football. The only thing I don't do is play football. I'm a loyal supporter of Germany. I might marry a German someday. I hope.
2 - I actually have a crush on gay people. I don't know, something about gay men that attracts me. Insane, I know -.-''
3 - I am afraid of commitment. That is probably why I'm still single. Being single is fun and lonely at the same time, so I really can't decide hahah.
4 - When I'm in a crowd, I have a feeling that someone's watching me, like a spy or something. I know I'm being paranoid and noone's even looking at me, but still. It's the side effect of ADHD I guess. And oh yea, I have hyperactive-impulsive ADHD.
5 - I'm almost always on the edge when I'm hungry. I get easily upset over little things. So the next time I get cranky, just shove some burgers in my mouth!
6 - I am always thinking and planning. Even when I go to sleep, I always plan something. I should stop planning because things don't always go as planned.
7 - I have odd friends! Lets see. I have gaybian friends, I have a friend who got knocked up and is keeping the baby, I have a friend who is religious but drinks at the same time, I have a friend who blames me for her failure hahaha. I have friends! Thank God my homies are normal.
8 - I can't stay mad at someone for a long time. No matter how big we got into a fight, it'll only last for days. I can't stand the long silence and not talking to anyone.
9 - Ok here's a bit of a shocker...or not. I'm actually a crybaby hahaha. Sadly, it's true -.-''
10 - Despite how lazy I am as a human being, I am a perfectionist. All or nothing. Believe me, it's not a good thing. I'm still working on it. Because I'm way than perfect so I don't really deserve perfection.
And finally I have found 10 (not) interesting facts about me. It was excruciating duhh -.-''