Sunday, June 20, 2010

A break from World Cup for just a sec.

Howdy folks.

No I'm not gonna talk about World Cup. I just need to let something out.

Last year A told me something about B.
I thought it was just a misunderstanding. You know, false alarm.
But today I found out that in fact it actually happened.
And there's evidence.
My mind went numb. I couldn't think. Tears strolled down my cheeks without me realizing it.
I just can't believe it.
Why couldn't B trust me with this?
I could've helped.
I knew a gist of it, but I didn't know the bigger part of it.
And now that I know about it, I wish I never found out.
But if I don't know, I can't help.
Gosh. :(
And now, even after hours since I found out, I still cry whenever I think about it.
The thing never left my mind. I'm still in shock.
I didn't know it turned out the worst case scenario.
What will happen in the future?
How will this end?
This never ends well.

But I'll never break in front of you.
I gotta be strong for you, my friend.
I'll stand by you, I'll be there for you.
Through thick and thin of life.
I promise I'll do anything in my power to help you through this.
I love you, I'm never gonna leave your side. :')

Haha shit. That sounds like a wedding vow xD
Sigh. We're not the closest friends, but she's a great friend.
And a great person.
I wish I could turn back time and amend this for her. :(

No. Keep moving forward. That's what we have to do.

"The regrets are useless in my mind, she's in my head, I must confess."
Life isn't always about me.
And I just found another reason to live for.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Hey hey hey.

Howdy folks.

Pretty soon I'm gonna make this blog private. I think it's the only way I can spill my heart out to the fullest, without worrying it might hurt anyone, or if anyone would find out. What the hell, nobody cares hahaha.

It's my way to keep my sanity. Blogging calms me down a little. Not much, but better than none.

I may let you read it, I may not. But I'm not gonna invite anyone to view. I'm sorry. I'll still be your readers though. Thanks for being a follower. Thanks for everything.

Till then. Cheerio.

Saturday, June 5, 2010


Howdy folks.

I know I've used this line so many times that I sometimes recite it in my sleep, but it's time like this when I think of you and wonder if you ever think of me. Wait. I think nowadays I constantly wonder if I ever crossed your mind. Hmm.

Oh my dear God. I think I'm becoming sort of obsessive =.= shite. Did not think of that. Ah what the hell. As long as I don't start to disturb him every second, I think I'm still okay. He still have no idea how I feel about him (definitely not love).

I'm becoming soft, doncha think? What the hell happened to me, folks? What went wrong? Buang laa perasaan bangang ni jauh2. Yan said I've changed. Said I'm becoming more...feminine? Haha dunno. Probably the way I dress sometimes. I still wear tshirt and jeans though. I guess I dress to blend with the people I'm hanging out with. I mean, I look out of place enough when I'm the only one who wears tudung. If I wear sneaker + tshirt + jeans, I look (and feel) like someone from another planet an. -_-''

I want my old self. The cool, confident, bakul type of person. Argh!


ps: Get well soon, Pja.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


Howdy folks.

So today I went out with my friends. Pja, Aqie, Raja, Jue, Su, Moon, Shafizah, Pele, Ikram, and Jue's friends. It was fun. We went to alot of weird places, mainly because we didn't plan the outing. If there's anything I've learned, it's that you should ALWAYS plan ahead in whatever you do. Haha anyway, it was fun. Thanks for the memories, folks. :)

Mr, you were kind of on my mind the whole time I was out. Everything I did, I always thought of you. Like when we were driving to CS, I was wondering could you possibly be there too? When I was bowling, I wondered what were you doing right at the moment? Or when I striked all the pins, I wish you were there. I love hanging out with my friends, but I just couldn't wait to go back to you. Of course you weren't physically there. But somehow home is the only connection we have.

I'm getting used to it. I think you're growing on me. I wouldn't say that I like you. But I think I don't mind to have you in my thoughts. I don't have anything else to focus on, anyway. Plus when I think of you, a smile appears on my face. So thank you for making me smile. :)


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

PS: It's not what you think, it's not what it seems...

...Just a complicated emotion.

Howdy folks.

It's done. I wish for more, but better than none at all, eh? I gave a little more time, but it seemed like that's as far as it could go. I could've waited a little while longer, but I didn't for the sake of my esteem. The waiting was totally nerve-wrecking and I didn't think I could bear it any longer anyway. So I'm happy with it. I guess Allah has finally answered my prayers. Alhamdulillah. :)

I'm happy tonight. I'm happier than I've been in the past few days. It's been bugging me for quite awhile now. I'm glad it's over. I'm glad the waiting's over.

I'm not hoping for anything more. I just want to be a little part of it. Of course I want more, but I won't get my hopes high, considering the situation and the very little chance I have. Get a grip, Has.

How I wish I can tell someone how this whole 'thing' is eating me alive. :(

I've told 'T' a gist of it but I'm still holding back the bigger part of it. I guess I just don't want to get carried away. Because if I let my heart takes control of my mind, I'm sure I'll end up falling. And it'll be one hell of a climb to get back to the top.


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The thing. The event.

Howdy folks.

So I've waited for thing to happen for what seemed like forever. And when it's finally happened, I'm not there. 'JEMPUT MAKAN' arghh.

I don't regret going out with my friends tonight. Even if I did know that 'the thing' would happen tonight, I would still go out with them. I wouldn't trade the times we had for the world. But what I do regret is that 'the thing' happened tonight. Why didn't it happen while I was waiting? Why didn't it wait until I'm waiting for it to happen? I want to be there when 'the thing' happened. But sadly I was out with my friends.

I really, REALLY, really really want to be there. BADLY.

I want to cry because I missed the opportunity. 'Jemput makan'. 'JEMPUT MAKAN'!!!

Sigh. Please give me another chance. Please.